


Fuck Sandwich

by dipping_sauce (metabaron)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Decisions, Bad Ideas, Draco no, F/M, M/M, No Draco
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-18
Updated: 2003-08-18
Packaged: 2018-01-16 00:30:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1324993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metabaron/pseuds/dipping_sauce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone has to tell Ron.</p><p>This is one of the 5,187,492 reasons why that 'someone' should not be Draco.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fuck Sandwich

The Leaving Feast was in full swing when Draco Malfoy decide that The Time had come. The House Cup had been awarded (to Slytherin, naturally), McGonnagall had made her end of term speech, and the second course had just been served. It was now or never, he decided.

Draco stood up on his chair, cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled across the hall. "Oi! Weasel King!"

Ron's head shot up from the mountain of mashed potatoes he had been slowly eroding.

_"The Feast's tomorrow, Harry."_

_"I know."_

_"We have to tell him tomorrow, Harry."_

_"I know, Ginny."_

_She curled up beside him and nuzzled his shoulder. "Are you as nervous as I am?" she asked, a slight quaver in her voice._

_"More, I think. You're his sister. He can't kill_ you _."_

_Ginny laughed weakly. "I'm scared to do this, I really am."_

_Draco looked up from the foot of the bed, where he had been tracing lazy patterns into the soles of Harry's feet. "You're getting too worked up about this, my little love," he murmured. "Everything will go wonderfully, and he will be so happy for you. There's no need to worry."_

_Ginny was on the verge of tears. "Yes there is! I don't know the right words! I don't know how to tell him so he won't be angry."_

_Draco slid up and squeezed between them. He took her in his arms and stroked her hair. "But I do." Draco glanced over his shoulder, met Harry's eyes "Don't you two trouble yourselves about this at all. I'll take care of everything."_

_It was a measure of how upset they were that they accepted._

"I have an announcement to make, Weasley!"

More people looked up. Hogwarts had always enjoyed a good show, and they were beginning to feel slightly overdue, as the last one had been Vincent Crabbe's recital of a three hour long epic poem (entirely in haiku, naturally) he'd written about Harry Potter.

"I fucked your sister!"

The Great Hall became terribly, terribly quiet. Over a thousand pairs of eyes fixed on Draco and Ron.

Harry carefully swallowed the mouthful of food he had been chewing and exchanged an agonised look with Ginny. _Oh. Dear._ Ron had turned a distressing shade of red, his fork frozen halfway between his mouth and his plate.

Draco went on, his voice sounding even louder in the unnatural silence. "I fucked your sister, Weasley! Loads of times! While Potter took me from behind!"

There was a gagging sound from the staff table - the Headmistress had turned beet red and was struggling to breathe. Beside her, Snape was shaking with silent laughter, nearly as red as she.

Ron's fork clattered to the floor. He was gripping the table hard enough to leave marks.

Every eye in the room was now on Harry. He shrunk down into his seat, trying to make himself very, very small, which proved to be rather difficult, given his height. The other Gryffindors were edging their chairs away from him, Ron and Ginny. They obviously didn't want to get caught in the cross fire.

Harry made a mental note to kill Draco Malfoy if they both survived.

"It's a fuck sandwich, Weasley! With Draco filling!"

Ron's face now matched his maroon jumper, and Hermione quickly dumped a glass of water on his head, worried that the heat from his forehead would make his hair catch on fire. Ron didn't seem to notice.

Ginny followed the Harry-shaped blur out of the Great Hall.

"Thank you for listening, Weasley!" Draco finished, and sat down, smiling expectantly at Ron.

Ron slowly stood up.

Draco continued to smile sunnily at Ron as he approached the Slytherin table, his face still violently purple.


End file.
